[mood]Means and ends

After all, it's nothing but a matter of clarification between means and ends.

In pursuit of ultimate serenity, we fight against each other.

Happiness, attractive as it is, ought to be prioritized.

Nonetheless, life is eternal circulation amid self-questioning and self-proving.

Keep contemplating and striking regardless of the fact that truth is nowhere to be found.

That's the way we live, the way we figure out the meaning of torture and pleasure.

Embrace the perplexity and just desperately keep fighting for your dream.

That's the way I live.

[心情]A certain reflection

好懷念台灣的早晨嘉義的陽光哪...。
因為昨晚早睡今晨很難得的六點就自然醒
但根本沒有陽光所以還是繼續賴床（遙望出國前每天六點跳起來晨跑的健康生活
睡到八點，但圖書館要八點半才開所以還是賴床（遠目母校成大七點就熙來攘往的勝利路與K館
於是還是很不爭氣地躺到九點...歸根究柢還是我理由伯太弱阿！
扣除以上，其實圖書館離住處只有五分鐘這點倒是跟當初住勝利校區很像耶。
早晨人不多的圖書館也有種自在感--那麼就好好把握時間生論文。
---
今早又作夢了。有前輩知道作夢頻繁什麼意涵嘛？
SID在馬路公開演出但我要停腳踏車所以delay然後在南台灣山坡鄉間迷路有熱心大嬸指路；此外也夢到了薔薇少女眾打躲避球但開戰前一刻真紅睡醒...。
真是不知所云
---
上禮拜還有十五度，這週驟降下探三度還雨雪紛飛，呀。
吃飯時看著奧地利同學對中國菜如數家珍自稱亞洲人，不禁莞爾。
看著平時埋首書堆的正妹同學喝了點酒就略顯醉貌飄飄然也挺有趣的。
---
無論如何，日子還是要過路還是得繼續走，回不去了。
今日不甚習慣的生活在遙遠的某天未來回頭看也會不禁懷舊感油然而生，吧？

囉囉嗦嗦一堆，充其量就是自己不夠成熟的緣故
但，不成熟又何妨？這不就是青春流逝年歲漸長的必經過程

迷惘、失足、哭泣、歡笑、迷惑、狡詰
亂數組合的搭配構成每一日的波動心情

不知不覺就寫了些東西

All in all,
充滿未知挑戰人生仍橫阻面前
熱血少年的戰鬥也將繼續下去

Music w/ memory

音樂聽一聽 過往的回憶又湧上心頭了

路跑。掛上耳機
從家裡出發，民權路、民族路、文化路、垂楊路、興業東路（心夜冬路w）
摩斯漢堡、火車站、早餐店
健身房重訓
頂著大太陽奔馳
現在想想那時真是超熱血的

懷念汗流浹背的充實感（不過被啞鈴砸到小指頭就算了）

體脂率7.8% 好想念你阿～

Desire

Never satisfy with existing pleasures;

Always crave for the untouchables.

Positively speaking, it's this emotion drives to move forward, even it's tough and hard.

Negatively, why can't I just stay in my own circle without being allured by exterior fancy world?

It's depressing sometimes, more or less, and even strong enough to tear one apart.

The so-called over-indulgent syndrome, I guess.

Angle

Life's not fair I know; you just can't stop complaining!

So, just look on the positive side.

Myopic as it may be, just look on the one you possess instead of something you lack.


You have no capability to change that reality.
Still, you have the right to choose the angle.

After all, life's about interpretation, so fool yourself and everything will be solved.

Don't be afraid of instilling yourself hallucination.

After all, life's about hermeneutic so fool yourself and everything will be solved.

Candidly speaking, Screw myself.

Somehow I just feel discomfort, psychologically.
Weak as I am, still there are something to be realized someday.

You must die first to see the heaven.

One problem could be that you are dying anyway, sooner or later;
However, the existence of heaven is not confirmed.

The ultimate perplexity lies in the possibility in saying no to death to avoid the uncertainty of going nowhere afterward.
In this situation what matters the most is the faith in death, the faith in devotion.

Are you dying for something totally have no idea?
Are you dying for something totally have no idea of possibility in fulfillment?

Weak as I am, still there are something to be realized someday.
In this case however, just want to say fuck off you coward.

Anyway, just want to say I've had enough, yet still trapped in this vicious circle allows no possibility to escape...

Angle

改變看待事物的方式

正如拍照取景，不同角度。

多即是少，小就是大；

弱者也有屬於弱者的生存方式。
--
從來沒有真相這回事。有的只是操弄。
或者說
所謂的真實就是人為操作下的自然產物

這麼說來，自我洗腦也是很正常的吧？

...。

初衷很棒。

在現實世界，然而

只顯得更加天真愚蠢。

[心情]Dazzling Chaos

的確得到不少
相對的，也失去許多。

--

What I've got?

新體驗。
新城市、新朋友、演唱會、電音趴、啤酒、四處旅遊...you name it.
and so on.

What I've lost?

商業動態、新書知識、國際新聞；雖然二手、稍慢，卻能得到全面而廣泛的理解。現在反而截斷。
0.38中性筆。這裡似乎0.7起跳，不太習慣...
漫畫。外文看不懂，買了沒地方放，更沒有便宜方便的租書店。
運動。天氣太冷、健身房又遠(藉口)。
日本旅遊不方便。然而跑歐洲...似乎更棒?
and so on.

此刻最厭惡的感覺大概就是對世界一無所知
一種緣於自身懶散的罪惡感，然而又莫可奈何地持續下去；

身處歐洲心臟，世界動態就在身邊。
無奈荷語不通、英文閱讀又不夠快、念書之餘更沒時間接觸課外讀物

到了脈動中心，反而成了最最邊陲、毫無文化素養的野蠻人。

歐盟相關文獻或許略微爬梳
身為知識學步者的基本生存技能卻蕩然無存阿!

感嘆能力不足，更為自身惰性可恥。

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誘惑太多，時間太少。

年紀越長、眼界越大，越不得不認知自身的渺小。
往好處想，這或許是對知識、對人類、對文明、對社會的謙卑
然而，虛懷若谷並不能彌補身心空白的殘酷現實。

Stay hungry, stay foolish.
卻害怕自己被壓垮...還是想簡單就好呢
能做的，或許，也只是把握自己--心無旁鶩地。

--

提到攝影。
無法作曲、更不能彈吉他玩樂團
除了筆耕，攝影大概是性好記錄的我唯一能做的。
當然，一樣沒觀眾(笑)。
這也挺妙的，為何一定想受肯定?

--

把心情抒發、記錄下來總算好過點，不然我想我會被這無以明狀的自省壓垮。

未經檢視的生命不值得活，那麼我至少還有臉自稱為人吧。